The Camino Within: Being Open to the Unknown - Part 1 — Before I Left

My experience with the Camino began even before I left.

The organizer of the Camino de Santiago asked all the participants to write a letter about what we expected from the Camino. So, a few days before leaving, I wrote a letter to myself about what I hoped to find through this experience.

In that letter, I wrote that I knew the Camino would be a physical, emotional, psychological, and spiritual challenge. I was used to organizing retreats, creating experiences, and making sure everything was okay for everyone else. But this time, I wanted to experience something different. I wanted to simply be a participant, to allow myself to receive and to let the experience guide me.

I also wrote about a part of myself that I had been observing for some time: my need to be in control, especially when I want to help and take care of people. I know how exhausting that can be, and I wanted to learn to breathe, observe my thoughts, and not allow that need to take over.

A phrase my mentor always used to say was very present in my mind:

“Be open to the unknown.”

That was exactly what I wanted to experience. To walk surrounded by nature, which for me is one of the greatest representations of God, to feel the presence of the Divine Light, and to be open to whatever the Camino wanted to show me. To be in silence.

I had prepared myself physically, and I knew there would be difficult moments. But I wanted to go with an open heart, observing my feelings and thoughts, and reminding myself that, in that moment, I didn’t need to organize, solve, or control anything.

As I wrote in that letter:

“On the Camino, the only thing I have to do is walk.”

About three days before my departure, I received the news that one of my best friends, who had suffered a stroke, would be joining our group on the trip. The organizer had felt a calling to bring her along.

My first reaction was shock.

At that moment, I couldn’t fully understand everything I was feeling. It was during the Camino that I realized that behind that reaction were fear and insecurity. Fear that something might happen to her.

The organizer told me that I didn’t need to worry, that she would be completely dedicated to accompanying her and taking care of her throughout the trip.

But my heart tightened.

Today, I understand better why. It wasn’t only concern for a friend I love. There was also the fear of not helping, of not being responsible for her, of not being in control of the situation. A thousand thoughts began running through my mind about everything that could happen. And at that moment, I wasn’t able to think about the positive experience she could have.

Slowly, by paying attention to my thoughts, I began to calm down and surrender my worries to God.

And then I remembered the letter I had just written. It was exactly about this exactly what I had written about only a few days before.

“Be open to the unknown.”

Imagine the knot that created inside me.

It was one of those moments when we lose control for a little while, and then, slowly, we are able to breathe, come back to ourselves, and see things differently.

Today, looking back, I can see that moment in a completely different way.

The experience I was searching for on the Camino had already begun.

Before I even left home, my purpose was already being put to the test.